I <3 conferences.
Today I have see some appalling things. I guess I just haven't been surrounded by so many people for a while.
During the mid-morning break we were bulled over during what can be described by no better analogy than a phirrana feeding frenzy whose prey was quarter-cut sandwiches of canned-tuna and mayo, and rice with sambal (fishy tomato stuff, very acquired taste). I have never seen such greed. I saw an entire tray of sandwiches disappear in a matter of seconds. It was amazing. People piled 6 to 10 on a plate in their gluttonous raid.
Then, after sitting back into my session, I was fortunate enough to sit behind someone that probably needs to wash out, or throw away, his underwear (perhaps pants) for the amount of gas that was passed through them both could have lit KL for 3 days with the electricity produced from burning it.
Finally, I love the man in the can that thinks if one talks very loudly it will drown out the flatulence and flushing noises, and the fact that you yourself are shitting.
10 November 2009
Big Pimpin'
I'm guessing this guy is swindling somebody.
A fleet of black Cadillac Escalades hums outside Chelsea hot spot Avenue -- the A-list watering hole of such celebrities as Justin Timberlake and Lindsay Lohan.
As the car doors open, a dozen men emerge and a bouncer whisks them over the club's threshold, past a group of shivering models behind the velvet rope.
"Who is it?" one of them wonders out loud. "Is it P. Diddy?"
But the man at the center of the entourage isn't a celebrity. He isn't even a mogul. He's Taek Jho Low, a 20-something Wharton grad from Malaysia who has burned through hundreds of thousands of dollars at the city's hottest nightspots in the last three months -- and shows no signs of stopping.
Michael Tran/Getty Images
'J LOW': Taek Jho Low (with Usher) once helped run up a $160,000 tab at Avenue, flew a bevy of Pink Elephant waitresses to Malaysia, reportedly sent 23 bottles of Cristal to Lindsay Lohan at 1OAK and lives at the posh Park Imperial.
The nightlife scene is abuzz with tales of this international man of mystery -- who goes by the name Jho Low and whose chubby, bespectacled appearance hardly meets the image of a wealthy gadabout.
In September, during Fashion Week, sources said, Low helped rack up a $160,000 bar tab at Avenue, including several $900 bottles of Cristal champagne.
One month later, Lindsay Lohan was belatedly celebrating her 23rd birthday at downtown drinking den 1OAK when 23 bottles of Cristal suddenly appeared. They were reportedly paid for by a "mystery Malaysian," who, sources claim, was Low.
At chic 27th Street hangout Pink Elephant, Low routinely spends $50,000 to $60,000, according to the club's owner, David Sarner. One night, at the Pink Elephant outpost in Southampton, Low enjoyed himself so much that he kept the revelry going -- all the way to Malaysia, Sarner said.
"He ended up flying eight of our [waitresses] to Malaysia for a party," he added.
Strangely, for a man attracting so much attention, very little is known about Low.
According to his official biography, he currently serves as a group adviser of several international corporations and was appointed to the board of UBG Berhad, a financial-services group in Kuala Lumpur, last year.
But when The Post interviewed Malaysian experts at such think tank as the Council on Foreign Relations, no one had ever heard of Low.
According to inside sources, Low lives at a $100,000-a-month apartment in the Park Imperial, on West 56th Street, home to James Bond actor Daniel Craig and Sean "P. Diddy" Combs -- and he won't go anywhere, not even on the elevator, without at least one bodyguard.
Some of Low's entourage of eight to 12 people also reside in two other apartments at the Park Imperial -- a $30,000-a-month pad and a 2,200-square-foot loft with Central Park views that costs $20,000 a month, according to real-estate investor Michael Hirtenstein, who used to live in the latter.
09 November 2009
Sunday Brunch, the fun never seems to end...
So I was blind but now I see the light. I was somewhat sceptical of how much fun one could have at a champagne brunch, but boy was I wrong.
For starters, when you enter you are presented with a glass of champagne. Not a flute. A merlot glass half full of champagne. From a magnum.
You are then escorted to the main hall where you pass by a 15 lb. salmon that has been smoked whole, and a parmesan cheese wheel the size of an ATV tire.
Once you reach your seat, your champagne flute (which is in addition to the glass you already have) is promptly filled, to the top.
You are immediately inundated with offers for pasta, pizza, beef cheeks, lamb, fish, and roasted chicken by a legion of hotel staff with ear buds – no doubt receiving instructions to service tables with airspace at the top of their champagne flutes. I counted mine getting topped off about 15 times. The other uncounted instances were when I missed seeing them do it – they are sneaky bastards- and later because I could not count. There was an entire lamb outside the window on a spit. Martinis from the bar - that was exclusively sponsored by Absolut - came through the door so fast that it deserved to be revolving.
Then there was the clown who made me this nice balloon hat, which started a trend but no one seemed to have the fortitude to wear it for the entire meal except me. I also wore it to the next bar. One of those decisions I don’t regret.
I think we should lay down some ground rules for the next round:
#1 – No cameras
#2 –Nothing can ever be held against you professionally (if it can be helped)
#3 –No plans that are made after the first 2 hours of the brunch can have any basis in reality, and thus the instigating party shall not be held accountable for any proposition made after this time.
#4 – Never make your last bite of buffet food seafood pizza
#5 – Don’t parrot German phrases that you do not understand very loudly. There are probably Germans in the restaurant. Germans from Germany. That understand German.
#6 – The only sensible follow up activity to the brunch is either paintballing or window shopping at IKEA.
For starters, when you enter you are presented with a glass of champagne. Not a flute. A merlot glass half full of champagne. From a magnum.
You are then escorted to the main hall where you pass by a 15 lb. salmon that has been smoked whole, and a parmesan cheese wheel the size of an ATV tire.
Once you reach your seat, your champagne flute (which is in addition to the glass you already have) is promptly filled, to the top.
You are immediately inundated with offers for pasta, pizza, beef cheeks, lamb, fish, and roasted chicken by a legion of hotel staff with ear buds – no doubt receiving instructions to service tables with airspace at the top of their champagne flutes. I counted mine getting topped off about 15 times. The other uncounted instances were when I missed seeing them do it – they are sneaky bastards- and later because I could not count. There was an entire lamb outside the window on a spit. Martinis from the bar - that was exclusively sponsored by Absolut - came through the door so fast that it deserved to be revolving.
Then there was the clown who made me this nice balloon hat, which started a trend but no one seemed to have the fortitude to wear it for the entire meal except me. I also wore it to the next bar. One of those decisions I don’t regret.
I think we should lay down some ground rules for the next round:
#1 – No cameras
#2 –Nothing can ever be held against you professionally (if it can be helped)
#3 –No plans that are made after the first 2 hours of the brunch can have any basis in reality, and thus the instigating party shall not be held accountable for any proposition made after this time.
#4 – Never make your last bite of buffet food seafood pizza
#5 – Don’t parrot German phrases that you do not understand very loudly. There are probably Germans in the restaurant. Germans from Germany. That understand German.
#6 – The only sensible follow up activity to the brunch is either paintballing or window shopping at IKEA.
05 November 2009
We're here to PUMP you UP!
I swear to god there is a very large billboard of these cheese wads on the way to work: We pass it everyday.
Here are some other links if you're interested in wondering why in the hell these yahoos have a following:
04 November 2009
02 November 2009
I was thinking of a fire..
I smelled something burning (for once not tires, or mosquito fog) and it reminded me of winter and a nice wood burning fire. It reminded me of Ohio, and then of course I heard "a couple from Ohio gets married dressed as Vampire" on the radio. In Malaysia. Yes, again Ohio, you reign supreme in the annals of strangeness: huge dirt buckets, giant basket buildings, fattest president, a man standing in a port-o-let in waders to film unsuspecting women (I heard that one on CD101 once)... and now people who have nothing better to do but to be delivered in casket (via hearse no less) to their Halloween-Vampire-Wedding.
Man vows till death do we part at Ohio weddingCOLUMBIA STATION, Ohio (AP) — An Ohio bride and ghoul have vowed to love each other and haunt and howl at the moon together at a Halloween-themed wedding.
Sixty-one-year-old Jack Holsinger and 44-year-old Connie Spitznagel were both made up as pale-faced vampires for their scare-emoney Saturday night at a haunted house near Cleveland. The two chose the location because it's operated by the same people who own a campground where the couple met.
Holsinger arrived in a coffin inside a hearse, and the coffin was carried to the altar by six pallbearers. Minister Greg Kopp was dressed as Jason in the Friday the 13th movies. After the vows were exchanged, he ordered Holsinger not to kiss his new bride but instead to bite her on the neck.
29 October 2009
Stoned love
Tuesday October 27th: Husband Husband leads khalwat raid on wife
A MAN led religious department officers to his wife’s rented apartment where the mother of five was caught for khalwat – just two weeks after they celebrated their 18th wedding anniversary.
Utusan Malaysia reported that it took the 37-year-old woman half an hour to answer the door when officers from the Selangor Islamic Religious Department (Jais) came knocking during the midnight raid at the Pangsapuri Seri Camelia apartment in Sungai Chua, Kajang, recently.
Initially, the Jais officers did not find anyone else in the apartment but later caught a 31-year-old man hiding in an empty unit next door, holding his shoes and helmet. It is learnt that the man is married with a child.
The woman’s husband, who only wanted to be known as Azman, said he had suspected his wife of having an affair for a year.
“I am thankful that Allah has given me the answer,” he said.
October 29th 2009 Extremism Spreads Across Indonesian Penal Code (select paragraphs)
By NORIMITSU ONISHI
BANDA ACEH, Indonesia — Under Islamic law, or Shariah, the religious police have administered public canings for such things as gambling, prostitution and illicit affairs. But under a new Islamic criminal code that goes into effect this month, the Shariah police will be wielding a new and more potent threat: death by stoning for adulterers.
Though extreme, Aceh is not an isolated case. In recent years, as part of a decentralization of power away from the capital, Jakarta, at least 50 local governments have used their new authority to pass Shariah-based regulations regarding conduct and dress, though none have gone as far as Aceh to deal with criminal matters.
The president has yet to comment on the stoning provision, leaving it to his aides to quietly criticize it and clearly hoping that the Aceh Parliament will repeal it. Aceh’s governor has said he will refuse to carry out any stonings, and even supporters acknowledge that the punishment will be extremely hard to apply for practical and theological reasons. Nevertheless, because the governor lacks veto power, stoning could remain on the books.
Wednesday, 02 April 2008 Proposal to punish non-Muslims for khalwat
KUALA LUMPUR: Non-Muslims committing khalwat (close proximity) with Muslims
should also be held liable for the crime, two Islamic bodies have proposed in a
resolution to be sent to the Attorney-General's Chambers.
The Islamic Institute of Understanding Malaysia (Ikim) and Syariah Judiciary
Department Malaysia said non-Muslims found committing khalwat with Muslims
should also be sentenced, perhaps in the civil courts.Mohd Asri said Ikim and the department were proposing that the Syariah Courts (Criminal Jurisdiction) Act 1965 (Amendment) 1984 be amended to impose stiffer penalties of RM1,000 fine, or five years’ jail or 12 strokes of the rotan for Syariah Lower Courts and RM20,000 fine, or 10 years’ jail or 24 strokes of rotan
for Syariah High Courts.
Current limits are a maximum of three years’ jail, or RM5,000 fine, or up to six
lashes or any combination of these, and different states provide different
penalties for these offences.
A MAN led religious department officers to his wife’s rented apartment where the mother of five was caught for khalwat – just two weeks after they celebrated their 18th wedding anniversary.
Utusan Malaysia reported that it took the 37-year-old woman half an hour to answer the door when officers from the Selangor Islamic Religious Department (Jais) came knocking during the midnight raid at the Pangsapuri Seri Camelia apartment in Sungai Chua, Kajang, recently.
Initially, the Jais officers did not find anyone else in the apartment but later caught a 31-year-old man hiding in an empty unit next door, holding his shoes and helmet. It is learnt that the man is married with a child.
The woman’s husband, who only wanted to be known as Azman, said he had suspected his wife of having an affair for a year.
“I am thankful that Allah has given me the answer,” he said.
October 29th 2009 Extremism Spreads Across Indonesian Penal Code (select paragraphs)
By NORIMITSU ONISHI
BANDA ACEH, Indonesia — Under Islamic law, or Shariah, the religious police have administered public canings for such things as gambling, prostitution and illicit affairs. But under a new Islamic criminal code that goes into effect this month, the Shariah police will be wielding a new and more potent threat: death by stoning for adulterers.
Though extreme, Aceh is not an isolated case. In recent years, as part of a decentralization of power away from the capital, Jakarta, at least 50 local governments have used their new authority to pass Shariah-based regulations regarding conduct and dress, though none have gone as far as Aceh to deal with criminal matters.
The president has yet to comment on the stoning provision, leaving it to his aides to quietly criticize it and clearly hoping that the Aceh Parliament will repeal it. Aceh’s governor has said he will refuse to carry out any stonings, and even supporters acknowledge that the punishment will be extremely hard to apply for practical and theological reasons. Nevertheless, because the governor lacks veto power, stoning could remain on the books.
Wednesday, 02 April 2008 Proposal to punish non-Muslims for khalwat
KUALA LUMPUR: Non-Muslims committing khalwat (close proximity) with Muslims
should also be held liable for the crime, two Islamic bodies have proposed in a
resolution to be sent to the Attorney-General's Chambers.
The Islamic Institute of Understanding Malaysia (Ikim) and Syariah Judiciary
Department Malaysia said non-Muslims found committing khalwat with Muslims
should also be sentenced, perhaps in the civil courts.Mohd Asri said Ikim and the department were proposing that the Syariah Courts (Criminal Jurisdiction) Act 1965 (Amendment) 1984 be amended to impose stiffer penalties of RM1,000 fine, or five years’ jail or 12 strokes of the rotan for Syariah Lower Courts and RM20,000 fine, or 10 years’ jail or 24 strokes of rotan
for Syariah High Courts.
Current limits are a maximum of three years’ jail, or RM5,000 fine, or up to six
lashes or any combination of these, and different states provide different
penalties for these offences.
27 October 2009
I made Engrish.com!
I'm truly a proud parent, I made Engrish.com with this sign from Thailand about Wood Craving, they called it " I could use some Spanish Cedar about now… " click this link to view the engrish.com post.
posted on 25 Oct 2009 in Engrish from Other Countries
Photo courtesy of Jerad Ford.Found in Chiang Mai, Thailand.
26 October 2009
Maybank excellence
I went to Maybank to retrieve a new batch of credit cards today. They only issue them to expats for 1 year it's "standard practice" I'm told.
At any rate after we finished up and I got the new cards, I asked if I could get money out of my foreign currency account. I find the following difficult to understand, since it seems to me that someone who works at the bank would know what the hell I'm talking about.
me: Can I get some money out of my foreign currency account?
clerk: what is that?
me: I have a US dollar account here
clerk: no sir we don't have dollar here
me: Yes, I have an account in US dollars
clerk: At this bank?
me: Yes, I have an account, in US dollars, at this bank, that I'd like to withdraw
clerk: Oh, just go to the counter then
me: I though since I had waited in line for 1/2 hour and was talking to you that I could also withdrawl some funds
clerk: oh sorry sir, you must take another number and wait in line again
me: no thanks
At any rate after we finished up and I got the new cards, I asked if I could get money out of my foreign currency account. I find the following difficult to understand, since it seems to me that someone who works at the bank would know what the hell I'm talking about.
me: Can I get some money out of my foreign currency account?
clerk: what is that?
me: I have a US dollar account here
clerk: no sir we don't have dollar here
me: Yes, I have an account in US dollars
clerk: At this bank?
me: Yes, I have an account, in US dollars, at this bank, that I'd like to withdraw
clerk: Oh, just go to the counter then
me: I though since I had waited in line for 1/2 hour and was talking to you that I could also withdrawl some funds
clerk: oh sorry sir, you must take another number and wait in line again
me: no thanks
Party Invite
I just ran across this in my Gmail, because GMAIL is awesome and I never have to delete anything ever. It's an invite to our going away party. Too bad but the kegger didn't raise enough dough for the cats. They stayed stateside. Hope you enjoy.
24 October 2009
Hari Jadi ke saya
Well I lived through another b-day in Malaysia. (click to see last year's, click here to see more pics of this year's). This time there were no scantily clad women bands , but boy did we sing later at the karaoke club.
We started at the Fish and Chips place and man it was good stuff. We met up with lots of friends from work and took over the upstairs. I think we really did some damage, and then litterally walked across the street to the karaoke club. We had enough of a contingent that we commanded our own room which I always thought would be strange, but it was killer. It certainly helps to be totally and completely leathered.
I vaguely remember standing on the back of the couch and pounding on the ceiling, spilling beer on Jamie, and belting out some terrible renditions. Like this song, ugh, the selection is horrid.
.
We started at the Fish and Chips place and man it was good stuff. We met up with lots of friends from work and took over the upstairs. I think we really did some damage, and then litterally walked across the street to the karaoke club. We had enough of a contingent that we commanded our own room which I always thought would be strange, but it was killer. It certainly helps to be totally and completely leathered.
I vaguely remember standing on the back of the couch and pounding on the ceiling, spilling beer on Jamie, and belting out some terrible renditions. Like this song, ugh, the selection is horrid.. Anyway, of course we needed late night food, and what better way to settle your stomach than to order 4 dishes of super spicy shit at 3 AM. God I feel like hell. 2 days to recover.
21 October 2009
Censorship on Malaysian Radio
Listening to the Black Eyed Peas song "I got a feeling" on the radio in downtown Kuala Lumpur Yesterday I was shocked, to hear they censored Mazel Tov from the song. This obviously has nothing to do with drinking (see previous line) and has everything to do with the fact that it is Hebrew in origin and used by Jews.
From wikipedia: Mazel tov or mazal tov (Hebrew/Yiddish: מזל טוב, Hebrew: mazal tov; Yiddish: mazel tov; lit. "good luck [has occurred]"). The phrase is used to express "congratulations" for a happy and significant occasion or event.
Lahyme I think just means toast.
Go out and smash it
Like Oh My God
Jump off that sofa
Lets get get OFF
Fill up my cup, Drink!
Mazel tov, Lahyme
Look at her dancing (Move it Move it)
Just take it off
Lets paint the town
We'll shut it down
On a less xenophobic note, I think the words edited out of this Pitt Bull's song "Hotel Room" are just hilarious in the context of the song. They scratch "Egg Whites" and "G-string". I can't figure out what the song is about at all.
she like that freaky stuff
2 and the O, 1 in the eye,
that kinky stuff, you nasty,
but I like your type
and like T.I. it's whatever you like.
Bring your girls,
it's whatever tonight,
your man just left,
i'm the plumber tonight,
I check your pipes,
oh, you're the healthy type.
Well, here goes some egg whites.
Now gimme that sweet, that nasty gooshy stuff,
let me tell you what we gon' do.
2 + 2, i'm gon' undress you.
Then we're gonna go 3 and 3 you gon' undress me.
Then we're gonna go 4 and 4,
We gon' freak some more, but first!
Forget about your boyfriend and meet me at the hotel room, you can bring your girlfriends and meet me at the hotel room. [x2]
We at the hotel, motel, holiday inn. [x4]
After party in hotel lobby,
then we off to the room like vroom,
Put them fingers in yo mouth or open up yo blouse,
and pull that g-string down south (ouhh)
OK shawty, 1's company, 2's a crowd, and 3's a party.
if your girl ain't with it, I got somebody,
and by nature she's naughty.
Now gimme that sweet, that nasty gooshy stuff.
Lemmi' tell you what we gon' do,
2 + 2, i'm gon' undress you.
Then we gonna go 3 and 3, you gon' undress me.
Then we gonna go 4 and 4, we gon' freak some more! But first...
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